I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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