I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
