Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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