Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
