so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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