Porn is love you can see.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
