Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
