dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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