I want you more than these girls want KFC
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
