I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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