i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
