Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
