i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
