Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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