just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
