there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
