my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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