yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
