when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
