You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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