Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
