alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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