i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
