party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
