I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
