Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
