I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
