the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
