shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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