how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He better not be in your backpack
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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