I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
