Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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