I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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