Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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