You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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