I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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