operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
