Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
