i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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