Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
