I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
