So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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