dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
