He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
