I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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