New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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