"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
