ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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