i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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