I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
