I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
