please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
