she woke up with a sticky ear
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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