dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
two words: eviction party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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