OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
