honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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