Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
