I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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