the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
