So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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