I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
