I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
