my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
