she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
