I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
