Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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