I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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