covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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