I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
