I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
