hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
