if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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