Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
