no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
