you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
