She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
