just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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